You can never reboot yourself too many times, in my humble opinion.
I mean, we’re humans; we change, we grow. To stay static would be unnerving. I am not the same person I was at seventeen, at twenty seven, at thirty-nine. You get my point. So here is me: sort of rebooting myself. Rebooting how I want to engage in the cannabis space, how I want to work within it, and still be true to myself.
Cannabis has been a life-changer for me. It has soothed my anxiety when I’m in stressful situations; it has relaxed me enough to sleep through the night. But as someone in alcohol recovery (a nice way of telling you I used to be a drunk), it also provided me with deep considerations about having it present in my life. For example, AA is not a model that works for me–there are many reasons, but that’s another time–because of the complete abstinence model. I take an SSRI for my anxiety and panic disorders; I confess I used alcohol as a substitute for years for my conditions, but it wasn’t until I finally got tired of the intrusive thoughts and depression, that I looked into actual prescribed medication. It helped me tremendously. For me, cannabis and my SSRI make my life much better. They both work in tandem to keep me on an even keel, and quite frankly, I know my husband much prefers being around stoned goofy me than dramatic drunk me.
Right now one of the biggest accomplishments in my life is being sober. And I claim that word: sober. I claim it because my problem was alcohol; no other drugs were ever as appealing and as delicious as booze was, so honestly, if other sober people have a problem with me using that word, I am sorry but I do claim it. Alcohol is my demon that I guard against; cannabis and SSRI assist in keeping that wolf from the door.
So this space and my business model will rely heavily on being true to yourself. Being aware of others’ judgements, including your own. I didn’t realize how much I was beating myself up for using cannabis at all until I realized that I dictate the terms of my recovery. My only goal is to not drink, and at no time during my use of cannabis recreationally or medicinally (I like the portmanteau “rec-dicinal” coined by Weed Mom Danielle Simone Brand) have I ever wanted to drink or do any other drug. Cannabis lets me get out of my own way.
Hi, I’m Marisa, and I’m a proud stoner.